As I was lying on the grass, the vivid colours of nature beginning to shape shift. Time warp traveling back to a memory of when I was around 5 years old. I came out of my mothers womb eager to pounce onto the world around me. They say that a manifestor comes out of the womb and into the world with a leesh around their neck, ready and rearing to go.
Parents rarely understand nor know what to do with Manifestor children. And there I was, all dressed up in an apron twice my size and a large fury white cadette hat ready and rearing to go wanting to perform for the guests my parents had invited to a Friday evening braai.
“ No, Lisa. Let the adults have their time.” This simple memory which I had been told that good little girls should be seen and not heard and that I needed to climb back into my box had imprinted into my mind that I was too loud, to bold, to confident. That in order to make others feel comfortable I must do and be none of these things.
When I had my gene keys reading done a couple of years ago, I was told that as a chold I had my boundaries crossed by adults, to which he thought it was a man. I knew this story well. Growing up in a violent house-hold I knew that this man was my father.
So I continued to spiral deeper and deeper into my shame. Seeing that little girls pain, witnessing her sadness. For the first time in 33 years, I let her express herself.
I screamed, I shouted, I punched pillows. I witnessed the energy of the world coming towards me in the shape of a man and I lay down my boundaries.
“ You will not come anywhere near me, I will not be silenced, these are my boundaries”.
You see, we are not taught how to venture into uncomfortable places, so we are so deeply afraid to ‘go there’. In my 12 years of doing this work, I have seen how doing the dark and dirty shadow work can free us.
Sometimes the only way out is through. I sat with that little girl and I loved her in her anger, in her sacred rage. I let her know that she never has to worry about someone crossing her boundaries ever again.
I gave her permission to be loud and proud. To be bold. To take up space & speak her truth.
There is a reason why we are conditioned to believe that the ‘dark’ is a dangerous place. A bad place and that is because, this is where our deepest power is hidden. If we were all to awaken to our inner truth by going down the rabbit hole, we would discover how truly powerful we are.
This is how we become whole. By witnessing all parts of ourselves, by loving all parts of ourselves.
Three hours after my mini mushroom ceremony, I received a phone call from a journalist from the Sunday Times, wanting to interview me for an article about what it is that I do.
The time had come for me to stop playing small. The time had come for me to be bold, to take up space. I was ready.
We underestimate the power we have when we fine tune ourselves from the inside out. Little micro shifts internally can lead us to cataclysmic quantum leaps.
If we are only willing to venture down the rabbit hole every now and again…
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